Smart Alec

Alec Mapa is pretty damn funny. If you havent already seen him on UPNs Half and Half, as Gabrielles buddy on Desperate Housewives, or in the film Connie and Carla, well, then you may not have seen him. Actually Mapa has more credits than the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and you have a chance to catch Americas Gaysian Sweetheart performing liveif you happen to be in Los Angeles September 28 or 29. Either way, here Mapa gives you a little sampling, talking about fighting Wilson Cruz, getting peed on, and being impersonated on MySpace.

So why should audiences cough up $20 to see you? Because otherwise theyd have to watch me do the same rotten jokes over and over again on Logo. Also, Im not seeing one red cent! All proceeds are going to benefit programs at the Center. So not only do you get an evening of hilarious, heartwarming entertainment, you get a nice little tax deduction. Its for the children.

And will there be nudity? Yes. I wont be nude per se, but Ill talk about all the naked people I saw in Palm Springs this summer during the Hot n Wet Weekend, which unbeknownst to me was a convention for people who like to get peed on.

Youll be performing at the Lily Tomlin Jane Wagner Cultural Arts Center. Have you ever met Lily Tomlin? No, godammit, and Ive seen all her live shows. I sat next to her during a performance of the 99 Cent Only show at the Evidence Room last Christmas, and I was too starstruck to say hello. It took every bit of willpower for me not to lick her head.

Delicious! Well, now that Half and Half is done and over what do you miss most about UPN? I miss the Christmas presents from the network. Theyd always give us a suitcase of some kind. I think it was their way of saying Dont get too comfortable.

You did a bit role on Desperate Housewives as Gabrielles great gay friend. Hey, that wasnt a bit part! I did a whole scene with lines and everything! Thats what we meant.

You had a huge part on Desperate Housewives last season. Any chance youll be back? We want to see more Mapa! I think Im coming back in some capacity this season. I say I think because Im filming a pilot next month for a new reality/game show for CBS called The Singing Office. I take people from corporate environments, fly them out to L.A., and over the course of two days put them in a musical number to be performed in front of a live studio audience. They compete against another office whos gone through the same process and the audience votes for the best Singing Office. How gay is that?

Um. Pretty darn gay. Apparently in Holland, its a cultural phenomenon. I told the producers its going to be a huge hit because I think its a terrible idea. Schedule permitting Ill be able to do the pilot and Desperate Housewives. Keep your fingers Marcia-crossed.

Whats been your weirdest fan encounter? This summer in Palm Springs a 500-pound naked man told me he loved me on Entourage. And then he peed on me.

How Hot n Wet! Oh! And someone was impersonating me on MySpace! Which at first was a little flattering, but then I looked at the comments and found out hed been corresponding with actual friends of mine for, like, six months! This person was also leaving all these cruisey messages on other peoples pages like Youre hot! and Come on over! and I then had to explain to my husband that it wasnt me. I still dont think he entirely believes me. I have a new MySpace page now and its really me. Come on over!

Anything else coming up we should be looking out for? Im guest starring on Ted Dansons new sitcom, Help Me Help You. One of the series regular characters played by Jim Rash is an uptight, closeted homo who tries to get me fired at work because hes freaked out about me being out, unashamed, and the most popular gay at work. Its my life story. Also Im in an indie called Dirty Laundry starring Loretta Devine, Rockmand Dubar (from Prison Break), and Jenifer Lewis. It was a big hit at Outfest, and I think it comes out next year.

Lets do a little free-word association. Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the following:

George W. Bush. Damnation.

Lance Bass. Albino girlfriend.

The Atkins Diet. Constipation.

Gay porn.Out magazine.

Hey, thats not nice Out magazine. Gay porn.

Much better. And we hear youll be cohosting the big Kingdom party with Wilson Cruz during the Gay Days at Disneyland. Have you always loved Disney? Fairies, boys who never grow up, evil queens, and princesses waiting for their prince to comewhats not to love?

In the battle of the out actors, who would win, you or Wilson? Wilson Cruz would kick my ass. Im a lover, not a fighter.

An Evening With Alec Mapa will be performed at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Centers Renberg Theater Friday and Saturday, September 29 and 30 at 8 p.m. Tickets are $20, and are available online at www.lagaycenter.org/boxoffice, or call (323) 860-7300.