Cop a Feel

In Outs March issue we speak with openly gay Lieutenant Jim Dangle about his appearance in the new film Reno 911!! Miami. Here, we offer a few more words from our favorite short-shorts sporting cop (courtesy of his alter ego, Tom Lennon). So Jim, may I call you Jim? Thanks, Jeffrey. And, no, you may not. Please address me as Lieutenant. Its not like Im some asshole in your spin class. I spent 12 weeks at the Sheriffs Academy and then went to another eight-hour seminar to get where I am today. So lets keep it professional. Either address me as Lieutenant, or Stiff Jimmy, which was my Coast Guard nickname. OK, Stiff um Lieutenant, how are you feeling about your job these days? I work most holidays, and Ive developed a strange rash from riding in a squad car 12 hours a day for 13 years. If I could build a time machine, it would be 1989and Id be getting into something worthwhile, like real estate or soft-core porn. Do Officer Trudys endless advances bother you? I have nothing against Trudy Wiegel, personally. She cant help the fact that shes a waste of perfectly good space. I attribute her devotion to me to the fact that she was raised in a house with a substantial amount of lead-based paint. Ever think of coming out to Hollywood? We could use some hot cops out here. Good Lord, yes. Are there any nice places to rent in the $200-a-month range? Including utilities?