Since Donald Trump's election win in November, there's been a growing list of designers who have publicly refused to dress incoming First Lady Melania for today's big coronation inauguration. She's already been spotted this morning in a powder blue Ralph Lauren number not unlike something Jackie O would've worn. Rumors are inevitably afloat on the Internet today with what she'll be donning for the rest of today's events, and we've chosen the top 10 most likely hypotheses:
1. Whatever Michelle Obama wore last Tuesday
2. Freshly plucked feathers from a bald eagle
3. A very chic executioner's hood
4. A gown that bears striking resemblance to an ostentatious kitchen island
5. A custom-designed cocktail dress by Nurse Ratched
6. A hat piece designed with netting over the face from Cruella De Vil's personal collection
7. A toe ring that costs more than the collective sum of student debt owed from students living in the Hudson Valley
8. A floor-length gown fashioned from multiple labels of Dom Perignon 2003 Rose
9. Glittery, sexy ashes from a heap of cauterized J. Jill clothing
10. A cape that says, "Ugh, Kay Jewelers," in Swarovski crystals on the back
Greg Mania is a queer NYC-based writer and comedian. His work has appeared in The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, BULLETT, CREEM, among other international online and print platforms. His first feature film, Deadman's Barstool, co-written by Dean Dempsey, will premiere this year.