A 10-Step Guide to Self-Care in 2017

It's unequivocal that we're living in a time when a CNN alert makes our heart skip a beat. We've stopped asking our friends for their iPhone chargers because we can't wait for our phones to die just so we can take a break from the toxic smorgasbord of terrifying headlines our social media feeds have become inundated with. Politically turbulent times call for radical self-care, and this guide is here to help you do just that. Below are small things you can do every day to help you preserve any shred of sanity you have left:

1. Take a bath

Simple as it is, taking a bath helps reduce stress by getting rid of bodily toxins and allowing you to enter a state of mind devoid of any worrying or anxious thoughts. But a hot bath may not be enough for this day in age, so for extra stress-relief steep 87 bags of chamomile tea in your bathwater and get a straw so you can sip, sip, sip while soaking the day away.

2. Light a scented candle

Aromatherapy has been a leading method of stress-relief since the ancient Egyptians lit the first Yankee Candle back in 3,500 B.C. There are certain scents you can burn that will help facilitate a calm state of mind like lavender, peppermint, or coconut. If these scents aren't doing the trick, tape a note that says "WHY?!?!?!" to the candle-jar and throw it through someone you know who voted for Trump's window.

3. Attend a breathing technique class

Take some time out of your hectic week to take an hour or two to reconnect with yourself. By attending a breathing technique class, you'll learn how to control your inhale and exhale so you can really get the best out of screaming into your pillow for prolonged amounts of time without getting light-headed.

4. Go for a long walk

The most effective way to clear your head is to take a long walk, but because of today's added stress you might want to walk a little further than you usually do, like to Canada.

5. Indulge in a caloric fantasy

Go on, go for it--you deserve it. Substitute that bland side salad with curly fries, shout "FUCK YES" when the server asks if you want to see a dessert menu, dip your head under the dispenser of the digital soda fountain machine and let it flow freely into your mouth without size restrictions. Because who needs a diet?

6. Throw your shoe at the moon as hard as you can

For added relief, shout "NAMASTE" while hurling whatever footwear you choose to part with.

7. Slowly slide down the wall of your shower and curl up into the ball

This is a great way to start your day. By letting your emotions out immediately in the morning, you're mentally preparing yourself for the moment you receive a news alert that Donald Trump has appointed one of the dudes from Duck Dynasty as attorney general.

8. Go to the beach and let the crashing waves dull your cries of anguish

This is for when you've just had it. Sometimes you have to drop everything and get yourself to the beach to scream into the void. If you don't live near a beach, or you live in a densely populated metropolitan area, calling a Lyft and tipping your driver an extra 40% to let you scream in their car while blasting your favorite angsty music will suffice.

9. Take a "Trump day"

Like a sick day, but for when your country has elected an infantile reality-TV star as president.

10. Snooze your alarm for another 4 years

Treat yourself.