Survivor: Tocantins -- backstabbing, blindsiding, and man tiaras

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The premiere of Survivor is all about first impressions. With Survivor: Tocantins it's a whole new crew of anonymous players, which brings to mind many of the same questions that come with every season of the reality competition: Who will be the sweetly sensitive crying kook? (That would be Sandy.) Who will be the total tool? (That would be "Coach" who considers himself a "renaissance man" and says "Let's rock and roll" and, well... calls himself "Coach.") And will this be the locale that is so hot that Jeff Probst (pictured above) FINALLY goes shirtless? (And that would be, not yet.)

The biggest hurdle this show always faces is casting, but even if you didn't count Taj from 90s R&B group SWV, this cast already shines. Sandy is a hoot. She doesn't know what a pace is within a context like "Take 10 paces to the north." There's a stripping Mormon with a stunning body named Tyson who sets off my gaydar something wicked (and sadly it's not that powerful in the first place). He wants to win the million dollars so he can have "exotic, expensive furs on my shoulder, jewels on these pretty fingers." Ding, ding, ding! He goes on to promise, "I'll wear a tiara. A MAN tiara." (Whatever that is.) And then there's Carolina, who boasts "With every failure, there is an opportunity of growth" in reference to voting out Sandy because of her age and is then overwhelmingly booted in the first blindside in a season Jeff said was rife with them.

The season's off to a propitious start. Now if we can only get Tyson's exhibitionism to rub off on Probst, we'd be set....

-- HARKER JONES

Previously > Surviving Survivor can turn you totally gay