Break out the Pasties! Xtina and Cher to star in Burlesque

Remakes, revisions, and do-overs are all the rage in Hollywood these days, and I've been doing some thinking. Forget Fame, Heathers, and Ghostbusters III. What the world really needs is Showgirls 2.0. But, like, toned down a bit for the pre-teens. Oh, and with the gay cranked waaay up.

Well, God exists and he must be a queen because he has bestowed upon us ... Burlesque. Variety reports that Steven Antin (Goonies actor and gay brother of Pussycat Doll-master Robin) will direct this musical cinema tour de force, which begins production in November. Set not in the seedy strip clubs of Las Vegas but in a neo-burlesque joint on Sunset Boulevard, it swaps out Elizabeth Berkeley for Christina Aguilera as a midwestern girl with big, overblown vocal dreams and Gina Gershon for Cher(!) as an aging dancer with the (good? evil?) power to make them come true. It's Cher's first movie role since 1999's Tea with Mussolini, and yes, she will be singing too. Presumably the plot hinges less on troublesome themes like the nutritional value of dog food and soul-prostitution, but that remains to be seen.

--JESSANNE COLLINS

Photo: Getty Images

Previously > In Defense of... Vampire Slaying