Quickies: Side Projects and Shopping Lists

> Simon Doonan is bringing his "brand of mistletoe mischief" to Washington -- the Barney's creative director, dresser of infamous holiday windows, and spouse of Jonathan Adler has been assigned the esteemed task of decking the White House halls for Christmas.

> Penn Badgley dreams of a musical side-career like his Gossip Girl costars Taylor Momsen and Leighton Meester. Except that, of course, being the dark, brooding type, he sees himself playing "with a small orchestra - strings, horns, an organ. I'd play keyboards and guitar and sing."

> The Office's Mindy Kaling is penning a big-screen romantic comedy about "a woman whose low confidence level leads her to date a string of losers."

> If you're short on stocking stuffers and have a high tolerance for awkward marketing grammar, $60 will score you a bottle of M, an "exclusive one-of-a-kind fragrance that explodes into an indescribable fragrance, which seemly draws the attention of every person in the room." Oh, did we mention it's "engineered from the DNA genetic code of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson" and comes with a Registered Certificate of Authenticity you can pull out at parties to prove it? Yeah, so there's that.

> Of course, for the gayer gamers on your list you'll want to invest in the new "epic tale of violence, lust, and betrayal" Dragon Age: Origins, so they can have awkward Cinemaxical homosexual elf-sex. No strings attached -- just a lot of conservative hand-wringing.

Photo: Getty Images

Previously >Mondays with Morrissey