Pam Ann Gives Her Top 10 Traveling Tips for Memorial Day Weekend

Direct from her sold-out run on London's West End, air-hostess Pam Ann returns to New York City to present her brand-new comedy show, Pam Ann: Cockpit, at XL Cabaret (512 W. 42nd St.). In this raucous new production, the gutsy and glamorous, Asher Levine-clad Pam Ann--who has toured with Cher and crewed private jets for Elton John--takes aim at the numerous airline calamities making news today.
Check out Pam Ann's Top Ten Traveling Tips for Memorial Day Weekend:

10. Only pack a carry on. C'mon gays, you don't need five pairs of Gucci Toe Thongs and 14 Tom Ford crocodile hot pants--despite what you read in Out magazine.

9. If you are traveling with kids, don't forget to pack Xanax for their milk. Or better yet, leave them at home. They ruin everything.

8. It's OK to masturbate quietly in your seat but, for goodness sake, do not yell: "It's going to blow!" when you're about to release. That kind of talk scares passengers.

7. Pack your fatigues. It's Fleet Week here in New York. Holla sailors!

6. Ditch your 500ml lube. You can always buy a new one when you arrive in NYC. There are Duane Reades on every flippin' corner.

5. Pack your emergency trays with Ambien.

4. Grindr schminder. Download my PAM ANN APP on iTunes for fun, entertaining videos while you are inevitably delayed at JFK.

3. Pack your favorite toys; but please clean them first!

2. Alert the steward at the front of the plane that you're coming to see my show. He'll give you an extra bag of pretzels to munch on.

1. For goodness sake, make sure you check your pockets for leftover cocaine bags before you walk through security. We have enough empty cocaine bags here in New York!

Pam Ann: Cockpit lands into Terminal XL for four flights only: Friday May 25, Saturday, May 26, Friday, June 1, and Saturday, June 2. Tickets available at

And if you want some more Pam Ann to get you in the mood, watch our interview with her from a couple of years back. WATCH BELOW: