What Are Your Favorite Middle-Aged Female Entertainers Doing Right Now?

The TMZ-ification of the news world has made it possible to know, at any given moment, what Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus are doing right now (crashing their cars and getting audacious Robyn-esque haircuts, respectively), but what about the entertainers who aren't quite as click-friendly? Internet-famous funnymen Bryan Safi (a 2009 Out 100 alumnus) and Jeffery Self (of Logo's Jeffery & Cole Casserole celebrity) are filling in all the gaps in their video series What Do You Think ___ Is Doing Right Now?, a hysterically inventive beacon of light in the YouTube K-hole.

The series sees Safi and Self imagining the personal lives of the celebrities time kinda forgot (that is, the Geena Davises and Anne Heches of the world), riffing on each other to build deliriously funny, freeform narratives. The fact that the clips usually devolve into Self and Safi laughing at their own jokes just makes them better.

Our five favorite revelations about these wayward stars of stage and screen follow:

5. Bebe Neuwirth

Bryan: "[She] goes to business meetings but won't call people by their real names. She just goes, like, 'Hi, Fosse!' It's never once been Fosse, because she's never even met Fosse. He was already dead."

4. Jennifer Tilly

Jeffery: "Have you ever been to a Dylan's Candy Bar? Jennifer Tilly is actually managing the one at the Grove, that's opening up this fall!"

3. Elizabeth Perkins

Bryan: "Elizabeth Perkins is collapsed on a floor, surrounded by dishes, screaming out Jenji Kohan's name. It was dark."

2. Helen Hunt

Jeffery: "She started an initiative that she wanted to train horses to be the best they could be. You know how Marlo Thomas did that free to be you and me thing? Helen Hunt did that with horses."

1. Rita Wilson

Bryan: "She goes on Facebook at the beach, and then takes her laptop and throws it in the ocean because she doesn't know the first goddamn thing about it."