American Horror Story: Asylum Recap: Episode 6

Did anyone else identify just a little too strongly with the little girl on this week's episode of American Horror Story: Asylum? You know, the deadpan pigtailed child whose mother thinks she's not right, just because she never cries or shows emotion? And yeah, possibly murdered her only friend with a pair of scissors?

Unsurprisingly, Sister Jessica Lange refuses to take a little girl in with the crowd of misfits she has gathered under one roof at Briarcliff, though a possessed Sister Lily Rabe does give the child some wisdom--and a knife. "Always remember, you're smarter than they are," she whispers to the girl, after snapping that she thought she would find refuge with God only to take shit from a nasty old bitch who drinks and wears trashy red lingerie under her habit.

That, at least, makes the Bad Seed smile.

In other psychopaths are people news, Bloody Face Zachary Quinto slices the skin off of women because he yearns for the mother's touch he never had. Turns out, he's had his eye on Lesbian Lana since the very first episode, when she was cracking wise with the other reporters about Bloody Face. She could be the one, he tells her over a snack of croque-monsieur (the secret's in the nutmeg!) and tomato soup. The mother he never had. Lana is understandably repulsed, but this is where Sarah Paulson shines, because you can see her brain working a mile a minute behind her terrified eyes. Her reward is that she gets to live, and Zachary Quinto suckles at her teat while she tries not to scream.

Father Joseph Fiennes makes a welcome return this week, sexy in shirtsleeves in a flashback to his pact with Not So Good Dr. Cromwell. When he first took over Briarcliff, he allowed the doctor to continue his experiments, but then he's called to perform the last rites on the monster discovered on a school playground. Recognizing Chloe Sevigny, he chokes her to death with his rosary. Bye, Chloe Sevigny!

Back at the institute, Father Fiennes confronts Not So Good Dr. Cromwell, who reminds him that whatever punishment may await, awaits them both. He also reveals that Mark Consuelos is his latest patient; robbing Consuelos of his beauty with injections may be the cruelest thing the Not So Good Doctor has ever done. Their only recourse, he says, is to get rid of Sister Jessica Lange.

Not that Sister Jessica Lange is going down without a fight. Even after Father Fiennes tells her she's being transferred to Pittsburgh (even Sister Lily Rabe pulls a face at the new venue), she presents Dr. Cromwell with a toast over cognac...then hightails it over to the Nazi hunter's hotel room with his fingerprints. Surprise! Sister Lily Rabe beat her there, and jammed a shard of the bathroom mirror into his neck. Unsurprisingly, he manages to gasp out, "It was a nun!" before expiring. They are all very small words, so that makes sense.

Sister Lily Rabe has big plans, see, plans that include her teaming up with the Nazi doctor to run Briarcliff. Sure, sometimes she likes to don Sister Jessica Lange's red negligee and sing along to Lesley Gore's "You Don't Own Me," directing the song at God (am I the only one who can only think of The First Wives Club when I hear that tune?), but she's a planner. And she won't let that old bitch get in her way. Not after a lifetime of trying to be liked to no avail. The devil saved her from the sidelines, and she's going to enjoy herself.

Oh, and that little girl? She killed her siblings and her mother, presumably with the knife that Sister Lily Rabe gave her. The characters are dropping like flies these days! Given the high mortality rate at Briarcliff, it should come as no surprise that the Angel of Death guest stars next week, giving Sister Lily Rabe an able foe and Sister Jessica Lange a potentially unlikely ally.

The contents of Mark Peikert's brain play on shuffle at www.karencarpenterdiedforyoursins.com