Golden Globe Nominees Include 'Lincoln,' Hugh Jackman, and...'Smash'?

Oh Golden Globes, you boozy version of the Oscars. You continue to amaze us with your idea of what constitutes the year's "best" performances in motion pictures and television, and yet you continue to happen every winter. We'll have to wait until January 13 until we get to see who trips, slips, or wins, but let's look at those nominations, shall we? (You can read the full list here.)

Lincoln -- that staid meditation on 19th-century American politics and Daniel Day-Lewis's impressive ability to look exactly like Abraham Lincoln -- led this year's crop of movies with seven Golden Globe noms. Yawn. That movie was pretty much destined to get every possible award nomination before it was even made. (Spielberg? Angels in America scribe Tony Kushner? Day-Lewis? The other movies never had a chance.)

Trailing behind Lincoln was Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained with five nominations (including best Supporting Actor noms for Leonardo DiCaprio and Christoph Waltz), but other than Lincoln and Unchained (and Argo, with five noms) there weren't really any frontrunners. Most noms lined up with other awards lists of the season (including yesterday's list of Screen Actors Guild nominees) -- and like the SAGs, there were plenty of noms with an LGBT twist.

In addition to the Best Screenplay nod for Kushner, who is openly gay, there were two nods for The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (Best Actress for Judi Dench and Best Picture), which -- as you may recall -- features a gay character. And then there were the expected noms for Les Miserables (Best Picture as well as acting noms for Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway.) Of course, Les Mis isn't technically a gay film, but it is a musical -- a genre widely considered to be the gayest art form of our society.

Gay faves Modern Family and Downton Abbey wormed their way in there too (for Best Comedy and Best Drama, respectively), but why don't we talk about the real surprises of this list? Like, for instance, Smash for Best Comedy or Musical?

Um, WTF Golden Globes? Like, the only justification I see for nominating this show is that it is technically a musical, and that it exists. I mean, yeah, it's super fun and campy, but are we really going to consider it on the same level as Modern Family and -- and -- oh, OK, I get it. You also nominated Big Bang Theory and Episodes, so you just aren't raising your bar very high. I got your number, Globes! For a second there, I actually thought you were trying to tell me that Smash was good.

Let's see, what else? Oh, right, there's that whole thing about you not nominating Game of Thrones!. Look at your life and look at your choices, Golden Globes! Also, what's with your total shut-out of Ryan Murphy shows? Like, yeah, you nominated Jessica Lange for American Horror Story, but that was pretty much it. No Best Series nom?? And nothing for The New Normal? I mean, yeah, we get it: Ryan Murphy is kind of a bitch. But give the queen a break, right? She can't help it.

Despite all of your errors, you did get one thing right, Globes: Picking Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as your hosts. I really can't think of any better choice. With that in mind, I look forward to seeing you in January. And as AtlanticWire pointed out, watching this vid of Fey & Poehler may forgive all your snubs, Globes.

Read the full list of honorees here.