Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to mourn the passing of a true gay icon: the striped Topman button down visible in roughly half of all gay Twitter profile photos.
This week it was announced that Topshop will shutter all 11 of its US retail locations and 23 locations worldwide in an attempt to avoid filing bankruptcy. As Out's Mathew Rodriguez pointed out, Topshop has had a rocky relationship to the queer community "for co-opting LGBTQ+ language on their shirts, specifically lesbian terminology. Some queer women felt Topshop and H&M were using the word 'femme' on their shirts when it wasn't theirs to use."
On the other hand, Topman is beloved by gay men, mostly because of their striped button down shirts, which have essentially become a hanky code for a generation of queers who buy pink acai refreshers from Starbucks and stan Billie Eilish. With Topman closing all of its US stores, where will these men turn for vertically-striped fashion?
In honor of our fallen hero, the Topman striped shirt beloved of gays everywhere, we present a lamentation in her honor.
Oh sing me a song of my beloved, who was with me for every trek to the local cafe for iced coffee, no matter the weather. In winter I layered you under sweaters, in summer I unbuttoned you to my navel. My love, my only...
What will we wear to complete our #ootd? What will we pair with our ripped Forever 21 jeans, lovingly battered Converse sneakers, and imitation Ray Bans? How will we score the perfect #fit when you're gone?
"Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves. Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash." Yes, only the poetry of Jonathan Larson can hope to illustrate my sorrow.
WHYYYYYYYYYY????????????????? TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!
They probably sell something just like it at H&M! Or Urban Outfitters. Or, fuck, Amazon! No, wait, do we not like Amazon? They're canceled? But that two day shipping...
"I'm so much happier now that I'm dead. Technically missing. Soon to be presumed dead. Gone. And my lazy lying shitting oblivious husband will go to prison for my murder. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder. Let the punishment fit the crime."
Fuck, I guess I shouldn't have used mine as a cum rag!
