The NFL has a lot of very gay mascots.
The 27 Gayest NFL Mascots, RankedImages: Facebook (@RowdyTheMascot); Twitter/X (@5280Miles & @CaptainFear)
The National Football League is one of the great bastions of manliness. Every Sunday (as well as Mondays, Thursdays, and sometimes other days) dozens of gym bros head out onto a field wearing the tightest pants they can find and push each other around trying to outdo each other.
It’s a powerful display of masculinity and strength. It’s also one of the gayest sports in the world.
With players like the recently retired Carl Nassib and coaches like Kevin Maxen, the NFL is becoming more open to actual gay men, but until the league is filled with out gay players and coaches, we’ll have to look to mascots for representation.
Now, not every NFL mascot is gay, and some are clearly gayer than others. So for fun, let’s count down the 27 gayest NFL mascots.
27. Pat Patriot
The New England Patriots' mascot called me a slur while arguing that transgender adults are "groomers" and watching Fox News. Zero gay.
26. Major Tuddy
Major Tuddy, the mascot for the Washington Commanders looks like he doesn't want trans people in the military. Maybe gay, but not LGBTQ+.
25. Blue
Those sneakers look gay, and the party horns in the nostrils remind us a little of popppers, but still, the mascot of the Indianapolis Colts is not very gay.
24. Who Dey
The Cincinatti Bengals' mascot is a musclebound tiger. You can tell he spends a lot of time in the gym, but he's probably not out when he goes back to his hometown to visit.
23. Toro
Toro, the mascot of the Houston Texans looks like he knows his way around a gay bar. Still, he's not nearly as gay as NFL mascots get.
22. Big Red
Big Red of the Arizona Cardinals has very strong bisexual energy. He's got killer eyeliner and can get rowdy with the boys or sassy with the girls.
21. Gumbo
Gumbo, the New Orleans Saints' mascot, might not seem gay at first, but once you get to know him, you learn he'd make the perfect husband! He's a dog, so you know he's loyal as hell, and if he can cook like his name implies, we'd love to come home to him every night.
20. Freddie Falcon
Now this is a twink. The mascot for the Atlanta Falcons is less intimidating and more of a pretty boy. This is some Troye Sivan realness.
19. Roary
One look at the Detroit Lions' mascot's perfectly maintained mane and you know this is a man who has known he was gay since he was five years old and got his first jar of hair product.
18. T-Rac
What that tongue do? The Tennessee Titans' mascot is a gay raccoon with impeccable eye makeup. Raccoons are, by nature, gay, and the Titans made their mascot the gay king of the raccoons.
17. Billy Buffalo
The Buffalo Bills gave their mascot the name of a '90s gay porn star and the smile of an older gay man who buys you your first drink at a gay bar.
16. Poe
He's a bird, he's a writer, and he's emo. This is a classic gay mascot. Poe of the Baltimore Ravens is a fashion gay, always wearing the sharpest black suits wherever he goes.
15. Swoop
Swoop, the Philadelphia Eagles' mascot, is your mom's favorite gay politician. He's an Andersoon Cooper or Pete Buttigieg type, and we love him for that.
14. Steely McBeam
Look at those big blue eyes and that chin that could cut marble! Steely isn't just a gay man, he's a beautiful hunk who brings a gay spirit to Pittsburgh Steelers games.
13. Miles
Miles is a big, bucking bronco (from the Denver Broncos) and you can tell he loves when a cowboy is riding him! But don't for a second think he's passive — Miles is a power bottom if we've ever seen one!
12. Blitz
Blitz of the Seattle Seahawks looks like every rich gay man you know who has a second or third house in Aspen or Vail. He's probably hosted parties there where people like Neil Patrick Harris and Andy Cohen show up.
11. Rampage
With those bright beautiful eyes and full cheekbones, Rampage the Ram looks like he's a stunning drag queen out of drag. We'd love to see the Los Angeles Rams' mascot all dolled up, but he looks pretty cute this way.
10. T.D.
As Glee taught us, dolphins are just gay sharks, and this Miami Dolphins mascot is very gay.
9. Staley Da Bear
He's a literal bear, how could he not rank high on the list? Just like a large, hairy man from Chicago, this mascot will keep you warm through the cold midwestern winter.
8. Viktor
Viktor is a classic Eurogay. You know that when he's not on the field for Minnesota Vikings games he's getting turnt in the clubs until 4am.
7. K.C. Wolf
Can't you picture Jonathan Bailey or Lee Pace in this exact outfit? The Kansas City Chiefs' mascot is clearly a gay man on vacation somewhere warm.
6. Captain Fear
The current Captian Fear and the classic-style Captian Fear look like they are taking couple's pictures together. "My husband and I saw you from across the bar ad really dig your vibe," they'd say.
5. Sourdough Sam
The 49ers' mascot has gotten some work done, but he still looks great! This is a gay sugar daddy looking for someone to take care of.
4. Jaxson de Ville
This sounds like the name of a gay porn star. When you combine his name with the yellow and teal color combination and those stunning shades, he's absolutely fabulous.
3. Sir Purr
If the Carolina Panthers' mascot wasn't gay because of his name and appearance as a well-groomed black panther, he'd definitely be gay for the mantra "Keep Pounding."
2. Brownie the Elf
I don't know if Brownie always looks like this, but this is just the cover of a gay erotica novel. When we were looking for gay mascots, we didn't think we'd find any official images that looked this clearly gay.
1. Rowdy
Of course, we could make Brokeback Mountain jokes or other gay cowboy jokes for the Dallas Cowboys, but we don't have to. The Dallas Cowboys' mascot is simply a gay man in a hat.
