Summer House: Martha's Vineyard star Preston Mitchum dishes on wedding plans & queering up reality TV

Though it's been put "on pause" recently, Summer House Martha's Vineyard became a sensation across reality TV, giving fans a behind-the-scenes look of the cast as they strive for excellence in their careers and relationships.

Out had the chance to sit down with one cast member, the esteemed Preston Mitchum, to chat about his upcoming wedding, the show's second season reunion, and the pressures of being one of the few out gay men working as a series regular on a show on the Bravo network.

Mitchum has so many layers to him! Not only is he a reality TV star, he is also an attorney, an activist, and a fiancé. He and his partner Donald announced their engagement earlier this year in April and the fans have been obsessed ever since. So we got all the wedding details (and more tea) from the groom himself!

Out: I want to talk about the wedding. Is there anything you could tell us? Are you going big or are you going small, are you doing a destination? Give us the details!

Preston Mitchum: So I'm happy to give some deets. So right now we're definitely going big, probably anywhere between 180 and 220. That's the magic number right now. Look at this point, everyone is a price per plate, so that is what it depends on because it will be in Washington, D.C., which is not the cheapest place and the venues are certainly not the cheapest. So may go a museum route, may go a nice hotel route, but still deciding that moment. But yeah, definitely a big luxury. Think of luxury, whatever that looks like and feels in your head. We want a black tie wedding, and so those are the things. It's funny, the biggest thing we've done right now is think of the date, obviously if you don't have the venue, you don't really have a date, but it'll likely be October 2025. And we're talking to all the wedding planners now, so we're really in the middle of interviewing wedding planners.

I love watching you on Martha's Vineyard. I think you have this incredible ability to stay neutral, which is very difficult on any Bravo show really. You always stay in a respectful little bubble even if you are battling with someone at the moment. So I'm wondering how do you navigate that?

I think it's just second nature in many respects. I'm not going to say I get it right all the time. I'm an attorney and part of being an attorney... another thing we call ourselves are "counselors," right? Counselors of law, albeit, but counselors. And so you have to listen to multiple sides. You have to listen to multiple people. And it may not mean that I agree with both people or multiple parties, and if I don't, I'll tell you like, 'Hey, I think you're in the wrong here.' And so sometimes it's a little bit more challenging than other times, especially when people think that you are more beholden to certain friendships than others. But I have the ability to tell everybody here that they're wrong. That is how I grew up. That's what I believe in. That's the nature of advocacy. You're able to actually say, 'What's the goal here?' Because that's not going to get us to the goal. And most cast members will be able to tell you. They'll text me something like, 'I'm so pissed. I'm about to message someone this.' And I'm like, 'What's that going to get you? Let's dial back and let's see.' But sometimes it feels natural and normal.

I will say it's also a burden. It's not lost on me that everyone expects me to be this emotional center, to be this nucleus, to be the elderly statesman, as one cast member described it. And they all say it's a positive thing, which thank you. But I think it's a burden, especially when I just happen to be the only queer person in the house. It just feels incredibly unfair to have the vast majority of cast not check in with me, not checking on me, not asking me questions about personal lives. Because sometimes people just see being gay as sex and sexuality when it's culture, when it's community, when it's experiential. And so it's a little bit hypocritical and contradictory when I hear people say, 'You're the elderly statement, the center, the nucleus. I see you as being the neutral party.' But I'm like, 'Well, why don't y'all check on me then?' Because then you will start to see things burning. You then will start to see friendships shifting and changing because that's just what happens when it feels like things become one-sided as opposed to actual non-transactional, very genuine relationship building.

I think it's very odd to me, Andy Cohen is a gay man. He helped this network explode in every way, shape or form, but yet the network lacks extremely with queer people in general. So my question is, is there any pressure there to keep it going and try to get more people and more of the community involved in this network?

100 percent. Listen, I never want to be the only person in the room. I unfortunately have experienced times where I do think some queer people do. It seems exceptional in many ways. That's never felt comfortable for me. I always want everyone to eat, as I say. And so there's an ability and a space for all of us to be present and to be seen. I honestly find it disheartening a lot of times that there isn't a vast amount of queer presence on Bravo. The unfortunate reality is, I think because it is heavily Real Housewives dominated, it doesn't leave the space for non-Housewives things to really become popular. And that is the time you can actually incorporate a lot more queer people. But unfortunately, we do continue to see the presence of things, and this is no disrespect to those shows, but Vanderpump Rules, even Summer House: Martha's Vineyard, Summer House, The Valley, you name them, right? Southern Hospitality, Southern charm, they have maybe a fraction of a percentage of queer presence. And it makes it disheartening, right? Because that pressure becomes more pressurized. It's easy to become a caricature when people only see one to three people who are outwardly queer or openly queer. And then it makes it go, 'Oh, that's how queer people act.' And it's like, well, no, that's how that queer person acts. Just like all these heterosexual folks, with the ability to expand the gamut and to be seen as multidimensional, we too are multidimensional. And when you have so few of us, it's easier to put us in a box, to make us one dimensional, to make us caricatures of the entire community.

Let talk Martha's Vineyard because the reunion... I don't know if it was because it was one part, it felt like a lot was left unsaid. Is there anything for you that maybe you walked out of the reunion and you felt it wasn't addressed or maybe it wasn't discussed or anything that you hoped for was maybe missed?

Yeah, I have a couple things about this. So one, the reality is we kind of have to address things immediately because we're from it for 15 days. And so it's like when you have that short amount of time, even though it's long days, this is why I used to always joke with Bria and I'm like, sit down. Because though it's reality, it's more of a reality TV show. So the truth is we're filming. And so it's like you can't walk away from every conflict because it is the filming process and belabor the chance to have conversation.

There were many things that were left out, and that is what I can say. So I do think part of it was that we needed, frankly, to have more than one part, because even watching it back, I was incredibly disappointed, just being totally transparent that that's how it turned out. There were so many stories told, there were so many chances to clear up statements. There were so many chances to clear up conversations about why certain people weren't talking to Jasmine in particular. Because the truth of the matter is I get very weary of, and this may be trauma, but this is what I've learned from my therapist. I get very weary in not trusting of people when they attempt to be territorial. When it comes to friendships and loyalty, I don't trust it. I think it's a lot of control that's rooted there. And I don't have controlling friends. The second, it feels like any of my relationships, romantic or otherwise, become controlling or this really warped sense of territoriality. I'm gone because it's not healthy for me, and frankly, it's not healthy at all. And so for me, that's part of it. And I think also with reality TV, there's a lot that's said off camera that doesn't make it. Some of it is intentional by some cast members to be completely honest, because they know it's harder to work back into the storyline. And so there was a lot of things that happened off camera, like a person calling production on me for a tweet and different things that for me, the audience may not get this because I don't have the chance to fully tell this story. But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with me knowing the truth, and I'm okay with a particular friendship ending.

Something I've long learned to accept is my voice, my center, and again, looking back at some of my experiences. Though they're lovely and I'm appreciative of them, most folks did not check on me often. And the people who did check on me, the people who I continue to build and blossom relationships with, those who I may have known beforehand where you saw maybe a relationship get cut, it's because that friendship that they said we had was clearly not there, but their interactions with me after a while.

Heidi Gutman/Bravo

Now that the dust has settled and the reunions ended and it is what it is, who have you still continued to keep your friendship with? Who are you knowing you're taking into the next chapter of your life?

Honestly, most of them, to be honest. I've always kept great relationships with the vast majority of cast. Jordan Summer, I'll be seeing summer in Miami in a couple of months. We're going on a birthday trip. Nick, I see Nick often when I'm in New York. Jordan again, I see often when I'm in New York. Alex, I was just talking to Shanice, Noelle yesterday, actually. I was just talking to Bria yesterday. So the vast majority of them, I am always going to be good with. There's always been ebbs and flows in, for example, me and Bria's relationship. But it's so interesting because I have really found Bria to be lovely, honestly. There's moments where I'm like, 'Oh, you get on my nerves,' right? But I have learned to really appreciate her in the sense that I know that it's who she is and I would rather someone I'm disagreeing with because of who we both are than someone who feels incredibly overproduced or inauthentic. And that is not what Bria is.

You have been incredible and we were so happy to get to talk to you. Is there anything else you want to say for Out?

So first of all, thank you Out fans, viewers, readers, and listeners. To learn more about me and all my things, go to prestonmitchum.com. If you want some cool merchandise, go to prestonmitchum.com/shop. You'll see all of the quotables from Summer House: Martha's Vineyard. Some of my shady and messy ones, some of my memes. You'll also see some merchandise from my consulting firm, PDM Consulting.

Although Summer House: Martha's Vineyard is currently on a hiatus, we cannot wait to see Mitchum on our screens again. There is no doubt he is a force to be reckoned with and won't be going anywhere, so we will be sat for the wedding of the year! The first two seasons of Summer House: Martha's Vineyard are streaming on Peacock.