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Laith Ashley, the leading man in Taylor Swift’s “Lavender Haze” music video, remembers coming out — twice. Like many others, the transgender actor and model’s path to his identity unfolded in multiple stages: fear, vulnerability in the beginning, and ultimately, acceptance.
Joined by his group of diverse LGBTQ+ friends — Vincint, Dexter Mayfield, Johnny Sibilly, and couple Eden and Jay Trevino — Ashley recalls the start of his coming-out journey in an interview with Out on a sunny September day, dressed in a dashing, tanned argyle vest. He was first outed by a close friend without his consent.
“I don't think that she intended on hurting me,” Ashley says, his voice steady. “And I don't think she knew the damage that could cause. Ultimately, we were able to come out of that in a very positive way.”
The second time Ashley came out, this time as a trans man, the decision was entirely his own, despite some initial pushback.
“I'm very fortunate that my family was open to trying to understand,” says Ashley, “that I needed to live my life as authentically as possible.”
Like Ashley, Philadelphia-born singer-songwriter Vincint also came out twice. The first time was when they came out as gay at age 6; then about a year and a half ago, they came out again as non-binary, with the support of his loving family.
“I grew up in a household that didn't demonize who you are,” Vincint shares. “They just let you figure yourself out. That was a really beautiful place to be in — in a really safe environment.”
For Mayfield, coming out was less about others but more about himself — it was about finally acknowledging his own truth. The nonbinary singer, dancer and model first came out to his friends, who told him they already knew.
“It doesn’t matter if you knew,” Mayfield recalls, laughing. “I’m letting you know I know now!”
The real challenge for Mayfield was telling his father, but he was met with unconditional love. “He was like ‘You’re just my son, and I’m going to love you, always!’”
Meanwhile, Sibilly’s journey began as a child, but it took time for the Hacks and Station 19 actor to fully embrace his identity. Sibilly remembers a day after school when he told his mother that the kids at school said he was gay. Her response — “You’re nothing until you say you are” — has stayed with him ever since. Though the official coming out was tough, Sibilly understands that acceptance is a process for everyone.
That is certainly the case for Jay Trevino, a queer Latinx advocate. After coming out to her mother at age 16, Trevino was sent to live with her father, whom she had not seen since she was seven.
“She gave me a one-way ticket,” Trevino says of her mother’s reaction. Luckily, her father was accepting and just wanted to spend time with her.
Trevino’s partner, Eden, came out as bisexual later in life and approached the moment with a well-rehearsed speech. Her father responded positively, though her mother needed more time.
“I had to give her some time to grieve the daughter [she thought I was] and the life she thought I was going to have,” Eden says, understanding the complexity of family dynamics during the pivotal moment.
Vincint shares insights into family dynamics as well, recalling a piece of advice their mother gave them: “You’ve had your entire life to figure out who you are and you told me and expect me to get it in an hour and be okay with it. I don’t love you any less, but I still need to get a grasp of what this is.”
Vincint revealed that their mother came around eventually, while their father surprised him before the musician’s performance at Philadelphia Pride one year, admitting to him he was gay.
“I was gagged,’ Vincint exclaims, describing his dad as a 6-foot-7 former cop. “He's like ‘I resonate with you, but I would have never been able to do what you are doing had I not seen someone who look literally like me.’”
The room erupts in applause and quiet cheers as Vincint stresses the importance of queer representation. It is during this moment when Eden shares that she and Trevino have been working on having children — something they never could have imagined without hearing stories like these.
“It's just exciting to hear your hopes and dreams for what you want to see in the world,” concludes Eden. “You guys just make me feel like it's going to be okay.”
Watch as our LGBTQ+ trailblazers reflect on their individual coming-out journeys and toast to their shared experiences and emotions now, in equalpride & Lexus Celebrate National Coming Out Day!
