The 5 dos and 5 don’ts of cruising

With every new generation of gay and bisexual men comes a new generation of cruisers, i.e. men who surreptitiously search for other men in the hopes of a lascivious, salacious, and electrifying sexual encounter.

In the era of Sniffies, Grindr, and other online hookup apps, cruising isn't as popular as it once was. There are now other ways to have an ephemeral sexual tryst. (This is in large part why gay bathhouses are shutting down across the U.S.)

But if you are one of the gay/bi men out there, like many of us, who don't get that same rush from Grindr that you do from furtive eye glances in the sauna — which turn into so much more — then this one's for you: the 5 do's and 5 don'ts of gay cruising!

1. Do make eye contact

The key to good cruising is eye contact. Similarly, the key to rejecting someone properly is lack of eye contact. If you like someone, and you're down to play, look deep into his eyes. If he does the same, you two boys are ready to tango.

2. Do smile naughtily

This isn't necessarily something you must do in order to cruise successfully, but it is something that you should do. It lets guys know you're interested and you're down to have fun. There's also something incredibly arousing about seeing a guy look at you with a mischievous grin.

3. Do have condoms and lube

If you use condoms and lube, do not assume that anyone else will have them. Once you're there, in the thick of it, you're not going to want to stop because you didn't bring the necessities, so make sure you come with them (pun intended).

4. Do wear something simple to take on and off

Jogging shorts with no underwear, jeans without a belt where the buttons snap off with ease, and loose sneakers you can easily kick off are all examples of ideal articles of clothing. Things not to wear include skinny jeans, high-top boots you need to lace, and a 3-piece suit.

5. Do orgasm if you can

Sometimes there's so much excitement going on and the fear of getting caught inhibits you from finishing, but if you can, go for it. Let loose — and hopefully on, or in, him!

6. Don’t be too loud in public

The reason why cruising has persisted throughout the decades is because of discretion. If we were getting caught all the time, or straight people became aware all the nasty things we were doing so near to them, cruising would not be a thing anymore. In fact, there would likely be a police officer outside of every sauna, truck stop, and airport bathroom. Don't ruin it for others. Be discreet. Be quiet.

7. Don’t take any valuables with you

Don't take your Rolex or that ring your grandma gave you when she passed away to the gay sauna. Don't wear any expensive underwear (no matter how cute it is) because you might leave it somewhere, and someone else may pick it up accidentally (or on purpose).

8. Don’t whip it out without being 100-percent sure

If you do everything correctly (i.e., making eye contact, waiting for him to play with himself over his shorts after he sees you playing with yourself over your shorts), then this shouldn't be a problem. Of all the times I've cruised, I've never had the "wrong idea about a guy," so to speak. When I whip it out, they drop to their knees. Everyone knows the deal.

9. Don’t get caught

This is arguably the biggest don't. Be smart. But subtle. Exist in the shadows. No one should even know that you were there (or at least what you were doing there).

10. Don’t feel any shame after

I have so many friends who experience incredible amounts of guilt after cruising. They think it's dirty, "wrong," or one of a million other things. Don't slut shame yourself. That said, if you think you're struggling with sex addiction, then seek help, but if you're just having some fun in a healthy way, then enjoy it. Sex is fun. Live a little!