8 Steps to Picking Up Guys at the Gym

Gyms can be great places to meet other men.

As queer men, we have our reasons for going to the gym. Maybe you go for your health. Maybe you go in a futile attempt to achieve an unrealistic body type perpetuated by LGBTQ media. Maybe you go to the gym because physical exercise helps mitigate symptoms of anxiety or depression.

While any of these reasons (or others) may be the primary reason you go to the gym, let's be real for a second. There's always a little part of you that goes hoping to meet another cute, single gay/bi guy. There's no shame in that, and God knows we've all heard of queer men who've met their boyfriend at the gym. If you're like me, you've probably thought to yourself, "HOW?!?" How do these guys manage to strike up conversations at the gym in a way that's not painfully awkward? Well recently, I figured out the secret.

So here's an 8-step guide to help you pick up that cute guy at the gym!

1. Determine if he’s into men

The first thing you need to do is determine if he's into men. In my experience, the answer is always a resounding "Yes." Obviously, not every guy who works out at the gym is queer, but it's surprising how many gay guys are actually there. A number of times I've thought to myself, "Nah... I don't think that guy is gay." and then I see him on Grindr or at a gay bar.

2. Start with eye contact

Okay, so this will actually help you determine if he really is gay. Gay men know how to steal glances. We know how to make eye contact in a way that's asking, "So you into this or not?" Since many straight men would be offended (or even violent) if a gay man were to hit on them, we've mastered how to be subtle yet clear regarding our attraction to other men. This first starts by making eye contact.

3. Happen to need the same equipment as him

"How many more sets do you have on this?" or "Do you mind if I work in with you?" This is how you're going to start up conversation with him. It's a natural, non-flirty way to start talking to a guy. This will also help you determine if he's gay. A friend of mine I met at the gym (initially we dated, but are just friends now) said he always thought I was cute, but wasn't sure if I was into men. He said he knew I was queer the moment I opened my mouth after he asked if he can work in. "Oh my god! Of course, go for it honey!"

4. Introduce yourself

Here's the thing about introducing yourself to someone at the gym. You don't introduce yourself to someone that you're not interested in. If I actually wanted to use the equipment, I wouldn't say "Hi, I'm Zach." I would just use the equipment and be on my merry way. If you introduce yourself, it's clear that you plan on talking to him again, and you want to get to know him. This makes your romantic intent clearer.

5. Ask him if he needs a spotter/request a spot

After introducing yourself, ask him to spot you. (This only works if you're using weights. I'm aware you can't have someone spot you on the elliptical.) When you're spotting each other, this gives you an opportunity to talk a little more. "Do you live nearby?" "When do you usually come in to work out?"

6. Say hi to him every time you see him at the gym

Now that your buds, you say hello to him. Talk to him and see what he's up to every time you're at the gym.

7. Ask him out

Finally, you're now in a position to ask him out. You know each other's names. You know a few personal details about one another from your previous chats. It would be completely normal, in fact expected, for you to ask him out at this point!

8. Don’t end things on bad terms

Not to end things on a negative note, but let's be real: things might not work out. That's just part of dating. Remember, you guys both work out at the same gym, so do your best to try to end things on good terms (if they do end). You don't want to get nervous at the prospect of running into him at the gym. Or worse...feel obligated to change gyms.