Justin Bieber Says He Has A 'Boyfriend,' But Is He Sucking Dick?

Consider sucking a dick! Let me explain...

Remember when Jaden Smith called Tyler, the Creator, his "motherfucking boyfriend" while performing at Tyler's Camp Flog Gnaw Carnival music festival? Fans and other people weren't really sure if he was being serious or not, but he doubled down on the whole "Tyler, the Creator, is my boyfriend" thing in a later interview with Beats 1 Radio, which...great! Wonderful! Happy for them both, if true!

That prompted Justin Bieber to leave a comment on Jaden's Instagram, as spotted by E! News, saying, "Thought I was your boyfriend," which...great! Wonderful! Happy for them both, if true!

But at the risk of being accused of "gatekeeping queerness" -- which, as long as you brought it up, isn't how gatekeeping works because gatekeeping access to something requires an imbalance of power; for example, a doctor withholding hormones or whatever from a trans man because the doctor doesn't think trans people are who we say we are, blah blah blah blah blah -- I simply don't think that Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith are boyfriends or part of some kind of polycular configuration! I'm pretty sure he was joking! To which I say, put out or shut up!

You might think I'm unhinged, which...fair! But two things can be true. You might think I'm discouraging straight men from finding new ways to express platonic affection for their male friends but frankly, life is too short to consider straight men's interiority! All I'm saying is that if straight celebrities are going to joke about dating their male friends, claim that they're "gay in my art" but straight irl, take a bunch of gay roles from gay actors who'd never get cast in straight parts, say they've "technically" had gay sex because they've filmed a gay sex scene, pretend to come out as a joke, or whatever, whatever, whatever all in the hopes of getting a little bit of that sweet, sweet queer cache, they could at LEAST do the bare minimum and suck a fucking dick.

In the words of Crissle West, words mean things! So, if straight dudes are gonna joke about being boyfriends they should try doing what boyfriends do and suck each other's dicks. Thank you.