Boston Heteros Are Trying to Make a Straight Pride Parade Happen

We are only four days into Pride months and the cishetero nonsense has begun. On Tuesday Carolyn Ryan, assistant managing editor of the New York Times, tweeted a screenshot of a Facebook post alleging that a "straight pride parade" was in the works in Boston, Massachusetts. This makes complete sense, because the city of Boston already is a straight pride parade--have they never heard of Santa Con?

"It looks like the Boston Straight Pride Parade will happen," wrote Mark Sahady. "We filed a discrimination complaint and it appears the City of Boston understands they would lose in litigation. The city is now working with us on the parade. We will have the street closed and be allowed floats and vehicles." What floats do you even have at a straight pride parade? A Monsanto-sponsored tiki hut where Hooters waitresses fire flat-front khakis out of t-shirt cannons while Nickelback plays?

But while Sahady seems sure that his parade will happen, the City of Boston isn't exactly on the same page. "The group planning to host Boston's 'Straight Pride' parade has been in contact with the City of Boston, but has not yet received the necessary permits to host a parade," reads a statement from Mayor Walsh. "As with all groups seeking to host events in the City of Boston, groups must go through the City of Boston permit process to host events in the City of Boston."

The mayor also reflected on the importance of Boston's Pride celebration, which takes place this Saturday, when the city "comes together to celebrate the diversity, strength and acceptance of our LGBTQ community. This is a special week that represents Boston's values of love and inclusion, which are unwavering. I encourage everyone to join us in celebration this Saturday for the Pride Parade and in the fight for progress and equality for all."

Every year, without fail, some inbred loser starts complaining that if queer people get to have a pride parade, straight people should, too. They are willfully blind to the fact that every parade is a straight pride parade, that LGBTQ+ people need celebrations like Pride to affirm our place in a world that's stacked against us. So will the straight pride parade actually happen? It's Boston, so...maybe. I'll invest in some cargo shorts and start watching old episodes of How I Met Your Mother just in case.

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