Boston Straight Pride Parade Application Has Been Approved

That straight pride parade in Boston...might actually be happening. An application filed with city officials for an event on August 31 has been approved, meaning Boston queers might be forced to watch white men in cargo shorts march through the streets chanting about football or something.

"We would like to congratulate the City for embracing progress and recognizing the rights of straights," said John Hugo, president of the organizing group Super Happy Fun America, wrote on the group's website. "The parade will be a seminal moment in the history of civil rights in America. All are welcome, both straights and allies, to join us in celebrating the diverse history, culture, and contributions of the straight community." Am I having a bad acid trip or is this real?

"Straight people are an oppressed majority," Hugo added. "We will fight for the right of straights everywhere to express pride in themselves without fear of judgement and hate. The day will come when straights will finally be included as equals among all of the other orientations." Does anyone else feel a sudden need to vomit? He also claims that right-wing gay talking head Milo Yiannopoulos will serve as straight pride's "mascot and grand marshal."

Earlier this month, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh claimed that the city could not oppose the event because "permits to host a public event are granted based on operational feasibility, not based on values or endorsements of belief."

If the permit is officially granted, the straight pride parade will take place on August 31 from noon to 3 p.m., but the group still needs to receive approval from the police department and licensing board, according to Boston.com. At least we know Brad Pitt won't be there if the parade actually happens.

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