Report About Grindr Fisting Date Turned Robbery Doesn’t Add Up

Listen, we all get in to a good Grindr hookup story. And to be honest, we honestly live for a particularly bad Grindr hookup story. But either way, we need one that's consistent with the features of the app!

In a New York Post report, according to police sources a guy living in Greenwich Village was allegedly robbed by someone he met on Grindr. This tracks: we've had a few poppers bottles, premium lube tubes, and even a jockstrap or two disappear but generally we chalk it up to the game! But this was more than a bottle of Swiss Navy going missing.

Police claim the man met the guy in the "Black Men Love Fisting" section on Grindr. Pause. We know we don't have to tell you this, but there is no "Black Men Love Fisting" section on Grindr. There isn't even a "Fisting" section. Just a few pockets of people that put the fist emoji (sometimes brown) in their profile headlines. So what is the truth?

Well after connecting in this non-existent space, the pair met up in the guy's playspace, which reportedly included "latex bottles, rubber gloves, a leash, and a sex swing." Not sure why we have to clarify that it was a latex bottle but guessing that's the bottle of J-Lube. This all checks out. They had consensual sex. And then "they got into an argument over the small size of the perp's package." After the sex? You realized after the sex was over that the footlong you were promised was a 6-inch? And you wanted to argue about it? After the deed was done? Choices.

Anyway, this was the beginning of the end apparently when the victim was allegedly choked, drug into a closet, and gagged with a ballgag and jockstrap. Honey, if you have a sling in your place, the ball gag is baby steps away so that seems right. Apparently the guy made off with $3,000. Who keeps $3,000 laying around their crib? Just cash money. Are you paranoid about banks? Sis, what is happening?

Apparently the victim tried to scream for help -- to be frank, we are assuming the walls of the place are pretty thick if you're doing all of that play and so its questionable whether anyone would have heard -- but the ballgag prevented him. Cops took the gloves, the swing, and even a dildo as evidence. The alleged assailant is still at large.

So a guy met you in a nonexistent Grindr section and stole $3,000 you had in cash money laying around your apparetment because you said his dick was too small after you had sex? Girl, I guess.

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