What You Need to Know About Bottoming, From Squats to Butt Botox

Every time I douche, I wonder: Am I doing this right? Every time I have sex, I think: Does this feel as good as it could? Every time I go to the doctor, I think: I should ask her about that. But as a queer person, I'm supposed to know everything there is to know about my ass. After all, there's no place in the body that queer people have marked their territory on the way we have with the ass. We finger, fuck, feast, and fist, so we have a heightened awareness of the type of care our derrieres require.

Queers have developed a whole world of ass accessories, from toys to douches to specialized rim chairs, all aimed at heightening and optimizing the experience. And there's still space for us to learn and explore. Of course, there's no shortage of trauma and myth for us to unpack in an effort to be the best bottoms, terrific tops, and valuable versatiles we can be. Asses still remain somewhat taboo in cishetero culture, but having conversations about the aspects that still remain steeped in stigma -- painting, douching, and STIs -- is integral to expanding our understanding and destigmatizing of queer sexuality. In a way, butts are inherently queer -- a functional body part that is otherized by mainstream culture but reclaimed for pleasure. So, being kinder and more understanding when it comes to anal sex, and taking care of ourselves, is not only vital, it's on brand.

Here, we walk through the 101s (ok, maybe some of these are a little advanced) of caring for, shaping, and getting pleasure from the derriere.

BUTT HEALTH

In the past few decades, LGBTQ+ folks have by necessity become very aware of our sexual health. Hopefully, queer people are getting regularly tested for STIs like Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and HIV/AIDS. But there's one bug you might be at risk for that you've never heard of, one that's passed through a great queer pastime: eating ass.

Ass-eating is one of the most singular joys of queer life, but there's a virus that Dr. Will DeWitt says he's seeing in increasing numbers among regular rimmers: Giardia, a little-known parasite that, according to DeWitt, "likes to hang out in your gut and can cause diarrhea." While it's usually contracted through water contaminated by fecal matter, it can also be contracted by eating ass -- for lack of a better term, it's a rim-job bug. "Anyone who is eating butts is definitely at a little bit higher risk," says DeWitt.

The symptoms include bloating, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. "It's kind of mucusy," explains DeWitt, who has noticed that avid ass-eaters tend to recontract it a few times. Thankfully, it's easily treated with an anti-protozoal like Flagyl, though it can take a few weeks to completely leave your system.

ASS-THETICS

Dr. Evan Goldstein's practice centers on the sexual wellness of New York City's bottoms--91% percent of his patients are gay men, and in his experience, he's seen the need for physicians to offer gay men non-judgemental, unbiased care. Goldstein analyzes his patient's needs in three ways: form, function, and aesthetics, literally thinking outside of the box in a way few doctors have done for the queer community. Of his clientele, he says the thing people tend to focus on most is aesthetics. "How does it look? We lick, we play, we suck--the queer community is really focused on aesthetics, especially if you are a bottom."

Like all medical procedures, there are certain risks involved. The procedures Dr. Goldstein performs can lead to everything from gassiness to incontinence, but Goldstein says "the ass heals really well," and as long as you give it time to heal (he recommends waiting two months before anal play and three before penetrative sex), complications shouldn't be an issue. And thankfully, insurance covers most of the procedures Goldstein performs (although without it, medical interventions could cost anywhere from a few thousand dollars to $40,000, depending on how involved the procedure is.)

So what procedures are metropolitan gays most interested in when it comes to their derrieres?

Anal fissures, hemorrhoids, and skin tags are the issues Dr. Goldstein treats the most often. "People will go for a hemorrhoid surgery or fissure treatment by another surgeon, and the aesthetic side of it and the functionality as it relates to sex acts is not even discussed or entertained," he says. "So there's a huge disconnect...Yeah, we do care how it looks."

Anal dilation is popular for those who wish to take larger partners, or for tops hoping to explore bottoming who feel that they're too tight. "Are you purely identifying as a top because your ass doesn't work from a bottoming perspective," the doctor wonders. He uses different methods of treatment, from surgical dilation (small cuts to widen the anus) to Botox, which allows the sphincter to relax.

Anal restoration looks at elasticity in two ways: is the muscle too loose or is there a functional issue, like hemorrhoids or skin tags? Dr. Goldstein can surgically tighten the muscle or remove scars, tags, or hemorrhoids for a rejuvenated hole and revitalized sexual function.

FITNESS

"Fit-fluencer" Kevin Carnell regularly shows off his coveted backside on Instagram, and with an ass like that, queers everywhere want the tea on his butt routine. Carnell focuses heavily on strength training, working out 5-6 days a week, sometimes twice a day. That's maybe ... not realistic for the rest of us, but Carnell still has plenty of advice when it comes to a tight tush.

According to Carnell, there are simple habits you can incorporate into your day to keep things tight: taking the stairs instead of the elevator, incorporating healthy carbs into your diet to fuel your workout, and doing squats at the beginning of every hour to keep your lower body activated all day if you work at a desk -- and don't believe anyone who tells you you need to eat certain foods for a perfect posterior. "There is no special diet for a big ass," says Carnell. "A better diet will contribute to a better body, and your ass is a part of that."

For those looking for a more rigorous approach, here are Carnell's favorite exercises for achieving an A+ ass.

Cable kickbacks - 3 sets, 10 reps

"Stand in front of a cable machine with one side on the lowest setting. Attach an ankle strap around your ankles. Raise your leg behind you until you feel tension in your glutes, lower slowly."

Seated hip abductors - 4 sets, 20 reps

"Sit upright with a resistance band around your thighs, feet together. Raise your feet slightly off the ground and slowly open and close your legs until you feel tension in your thighs from the resistance band."

Weighted lunges - 4 sets, 20 lunges per leg

"These can be done with a dumbbell or barbell. Place either at your side or on your shoulders as you lunge forward."

Single leg deadlift - 4 sets; 15, 10, 8, 15

"Grab a kettlebell with your right hand and raise your left leg as you bend forward. Switch hands to work the opposite side."

Barbell back squat - 5 sets; 15, 10, 8, 5, 20

"Secure a barbell on a weight rack at about shoulder level. Step under barbell and place on your trap muscles. With the barbell on your traps and feet shoulder-width apart, squat until your knees and hips are parallel to one another, then stand up to a slight bend in the knee. Inhale as you squat, exhale as you explode up."

HOLE HAUL - Treat yourself with these ass-cessories!

Tom of Finland and Take Two's Better Bottom

This dietary fiber supplement is made from high-functioning blond plantain, with each capsule absorbing excess material in the digestive tract. In addition to making sure your fleet water is clear, it's also great for digestion and overall wellness. $39

Studio Ready's House Collection

The system includes three products guaranteed to let you "sit on his face with confidence." The Hot Lava Masque uses volcanic rock and bamboo charcoal to soften skin while the Hot Coffee Scrub reduces blemishes and razor burn while providing a clean, tasty hole for your partner(s) to enjoy. The Holt Perfecting Cream moisturizes and prevents ingrown hairs from shaving and waxing. $182

Lovehoney's Full Bloom Plug

Why use a boring old silicone butt plug when you can stick a rose in your rosebud? This 4-inch plug is both pretty and practical. $29.99

Clean Stream's Travel Douche Water Bottle Adapter Set

What sexually liberated queer hasn't douched in a Starbucks bathroom with a hastily purchased Fleet enema from CVS? Streamline the experience with this travel douche, which comes with three different adapters designed to fit everything from Fiji to Aquafina. $29

JimSupport's Classic Rim Seat

This lets your perch over your partner for peak pleasure, and also makes a fabulous conversation piece for your living room when you aren't using it--imagine sticking a plant in there! $179-189

Edible Anus

For the hole-enthusiast in your life, sell a real, personalized mold of your hole in milk, dark, and white chocolate (PS24.00) and their limited edition bronze anus (PS450.00) makes a perfect chachki.

This article is a part of a three-part "Butt Stuff" package of Out's August 2019 issue celebrating the body. Click on to read a missive on exactly why we must stop poop-shaming and exactly what you need to know about fisting.

This article appears in Out's August 2019 issue celebrating the body. The cover features South African Olympian Caster Semenya. To read more, grab your own copy of the issue on Kindle, Nook, Zinio or (newly) Apple News+ today. Preview more of the issue here and click here to subscribe.