A modern guide to cruising etiquette in the digital age

Please don't ruin cruising for everybody else.

Cruising has been a popular and enticing practice for gay men to identify one another and have sex during periods in history when they didn't have handy codes, dating websites, or mobile apps to locate a quick hookup. Even with all that technology, cruising is still a huge part of gay culture for people who seek spontaneous, anonymous, group, and/or public sex.

Though early versions of cruising can arguably be traced back to ancient times, the concept that we're familiar with rose in the 1960s. Homosexuality was still taboo and illegal in the U.S., but that decade's sexual liberation movement emboldened gay people to find different ways to communicate, organize, and meet up.

RuPaul has often said that "disco never died, it just changed its address" when referring to house and electronic music. The same sentiment can be expressed about cruising, which is now moving into the digital age with platforms like Sniffies. While there are still many people who do old-school cruising out in the world, many cruisers are starting to use tools like Sniffies to facilitate and filter their experiences to people they're seeking, things they're into, places they're comfortable with, and beyond.

For some, the "unknown" aspect of cruising is still one of its core principles. These people argue that filtering out people and locations through a digital tool sort of defeats the purpose of what the activity has always been about. Nonetheless, platforms like Sniffies (as well as other dating and hookup apps) can be incredibly helpful to cruisers — as long as people agree to follow a modern guide to cruising etiquette for the fun and protection of everyone involved.

Earlier this year, X user @azzurrochurro shared a screenshot of the Sniffies map indicating that a "Pump & Dump" group sex activity was taking place with 54 attendees. The screenshot also showed other Sniffies cruisers who were not in this group activity but appeared nearby on the map. While the X user did cover the intimate parts of these unrelated Sniffies cruisers, one could still see their pictures, and also where they appeared on the map. The location of this particular "Pump & Dump" group session was also exposed, as street names are totally visible in the screenshot.

"Who's coming to the 54 person pump and dump?!" @azzurrochurro jokingly asked in relation to the screenshot that was shared. In response, X user @rossleonardy quote-shared the original post and wrote, "I think posting screenshots of Sniffies to make fun of what goes on on Sniffies should get you put in jail."

While that follow-up statement can also seem a bit hyperbolic, the point being made here is that the location of this group activity has now been exposed — compromising as many as 54 cruisers who thought they were in a safe space enjoying anonymous fun. Moreover, other Sniffies cruisers (who weren't even in this group activity) could catch strays by also appearing in the screenshot despite assumedly having nothing to do with it.

With that said, a rep for Sniffies tells Out that the platform "randomizes" the location of users, which makes the experience of cruising on the app safer. The statement reads:

"Sniffies intentionally randomizes the coordinates of every user and group, such that actual coordinates are never sent to our servers and are never available to other users."

This isn't the first time that a screenshot from a dating app has surfaced on social media, and it probably won't be the last. However, we're here to suggest a few easy tips aiming to protect the privacy, security, and fun of cruising enthusiasts.

Keep scrolling to check out our guide to cruising etiquette in the modern age.

1. Cruising isn't typically a slow and/or scheduled activity.

Most people cruising — online or offline — are likely looking for something to happen as soon as possible. It can be a bummer and an annoyance to go into a cruising setting with the mentality that you're not open to a quick turnaround, and with the expectation that everyone else feels the same. The "rush" of immediacy is one of the main things that makes cruising enticing for people. There are scheduled group activities on platforms like Sniffies, but they're usually for that same night or the following day.

While there are always "looking for now" users on dating/hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff, there are also people who prefer chatting first, exchanging some messages and information, and scheduling a time and place to meet up (which might not be "right here and right now"). It is perfectly fine and appropriate if that's "your speed" when it comes to hooking up, but it's worth noting that slowing things down isn't exactly the point of cruising.

2. Eye contact is a prominent method of communication in cruising.

In cruising, making eye contact with a person means that you are interested. Not making eye contact means that you are not interested.

Depending on the location and circumstances, interest can also obviously be communicated through words… and if an encounter was set up on Sniffies, interest/rejection might've already been established. However, it doesn't hurt to reinforce your interest (or disinterest) through eye contact once you meet in real life.

3. Communication is appropriate, but chit-chat is not.

Most people cruising aren't looking for their next life partner. This is an urge, an impulse, and/or a kink for most people. Asking too many questions, telling your life story, and/or over-sharing can be interpreted as "too much" for these situations.

Yes, it is appropriate (and encouraged!) for cruisers to express consent, to warn of potential dangers, and to ask questions if they feel uncomfortable about something. On the other hand, cruising really isn't the best place for "chit-chat." For one, certain topics, details, expressions, or questions can be total boner-killers. Secondly, you run the risk of talking too loudly in a public and/or private space, which could blow up an entire cruising spot for everyone there.

4. Dress to undress, not to impress.

Some gay people love dressing up and expressing themselves through clothing. While that's all great and wonderful, cruisers are encouraged to wear "easy-access" clothes that won't be an additional obstacle when trying to hook up. Zippers getting stuck, pants that are too tight to take off, or layers and layers of clothing are all examples of things that can slow down what is supposed to be a quick an easy experience between two horny people who wanna get it on ASAP.

5. What happens in cruising should stay in cruising.

With social media networks rising along with the growing popularity of dating/hookup apps, it's become a recurring thing for people to share details and images exchanged through Sniffies, Grindr, and others on much wider platforms such as Instagram, X/Twitter, and beyond.

Some gay people think it's funny to share screenshots of bad or awkward chats they've had with potential suitors. There are also those who feel like they've been wronged and want to expose someone for being rude, dismissive, or mean. There's also the very problematic habit of leaking intimate pictures and videos that you've received on social media… even though those people never consented to having their faces, bodies, names, and/or locations exposed outside of Sniffies or Grindr.

As evidenced in the X post that inspired this modern guide to cruising etiquette, taking screenshots of things happening in these apps and sharing those things on a public social media network is a very bad thing that could lead to serious consequences. Whether or not it is your intention, these practices can expose people to employers, significant others, family members, friends, social circles, and beyond.

When it comes to cruising specifically, some cities don't have that many safe spaces for groups of cruisers to get together to have fun. By sharing their location, you might be blowing up a spot that they'll never feel completely safe to use again. There's also the chance that local law enforcement could raid that location, that business owners or residents around that location might file complaints, and/or even that homophobes can target that place to do something dangerous.

It's understandable that, most times, these screenshots are shared as a "joke" — but the payoff for that joke isn't even that high. In turn, there's an endless list of negative impacts that could come from exposing people in these apps. More often than not, trust us: it's just not worth it.