What I Think Happens in Episodes of Black Mirror Based on Never Seeing Black Mirror

I'm one of the few who hasn't seen an episode of the hugely-popular Netflix series Black Mirror. This is a shame-based admission, yes, but I'm also fairly certain I understand the premise of the show, and below you'll find my educated guesses on what episodes of Black Mirror entail.

1. A family in a small town consider their lives as nothing out of the ordinary until one day, Rachel, the twenty-year-old college sophomore who's home for the holidays, buys her parents an Amazon Echo for Christmas. Her mother, Deb, finds herself enjoying the efficacy of Alexa until one morning Deb's like, "Alexa, order batteries and dog food" and Alexa is like, "confirmed. Ordering duct tape and a bunch of 17th century daggers," and Deb's like, "wait, no, I didn't say that," and Alexa is like, "I think you did, Deb, I think you did."

2. Jared, a thirty-something IT technician at a local university, has always felt like life has been passing him by. After one failed relationship after another, he's accepted the fact that he's just not destined to find love, and becomes perfectly content with his independent lifestyle. He enjoys his weekends alone: going to the movies solo, cooking for himself, and reading on park benches until he finds himself falling in love with his Kindle. He doesn't quite understand this new-found desire, but he finds himself succumbing to the pleasant emotion. He decides to take things to the next level and takes his Kindle on a formal date to Olive Garden and when he's like, "table for two, please," the host is like "um...," and Jared's like, "TABLE FOR TWO PLEASE."

3. A notorious cyberbully turns out to be a Tickle Me Elmo.

4. Rachel, a twentysomething with a promising career in publishing, is catfished by a man named Craig who turns out to be 19 Roombas standing on top of each other under a trenchcoat.

5. The entire episode is a live feed of you just watching Black Mirror which is a live feed of the live feed of you watching an episode of Black Mirror which is just a live feed of the live feed of the live feed of you watching an episode of Black Mirror and the next thing you know you're trapped inside of an infinity mirror and you're like, "ummm this is freaky and cool and all but how am I supposed to go meet my friend for lunch later."

6. A guy named Declan has a panic attack at the Apple Store for 42 minutes.