Is coming out yesterday's news? Why these stories still matter

I’ve been a screenwriter and a playwright for a long while now and, recently, an author. Along the way, I’ve written many queer characters whose stories mirror how society perceived LGBTQ+ folks at each moment in time.

As our stories made it to the stage and screen, with more fully dimensional characters, scripts about coming out were initially plentiful, poignant, and instructive. Even the most enlightened parents, siblings, and pals in art and life needed to find their way to accept their LGBTQ+ friends and family members. It was, and continues to be, a rite of passage that has offered much potential dramatic—and occasionally comedic—conflict for characters and audiences of all identities.

In more recent years, though, coming out, despite its enduring difficulty in many circles, is largely portrayed as yesterday’s news in contemporary movies, TV, and stage plays. Characters are now portrayed as (mostly) comfortable in their queer skin, accepted by those around them, and simply dealing with many of the same day-to-day issues as their straight counterparts. It’s progress and it’s good!

My coming out culminated almost 30 years ago. I had “the talk” with my father, who was not entirely open-minded. His initial reaction wasn’t too bad, seemingly understanding, and somewhat loving.

Then, he refused to talk about it for a solid year.

In a heated whirl during a four-day holiday weekend, I was inspired to write my first-ever, full-length stage play. It was a comedy about a son hiding his relationship with his live-in boyfriend from his old-school father when the dad shows up for a surprise visit from out of town. By the end of the first act, the son is forced to come clean, the shit hits the fan, and a lifetime of family dynamics plays out until a truce is struck.

Though I wasn’t always sure I knew what I was doing, I was swept along by how the story spilled out of me. Despite the characters’ angst, anger, and opposition, the play turned out to be a pretty hilarious and quite touching piece.

Would I have written this semi-autobiographical, wish-fulfilling play if things had been smooth sailing with my father? Maybe not. But, as the axiom goes, write what you know and that’s what I did. And that’s what many gay writers did back then as they shined a light on the coming out process.

By the time that play, Just Men, premiered, my father was “on board” with my sexuality and, in his way, became a bit of a cheerleader. He embraced my then-partner and future husband and eventually referred to him as his second son. Dad didn’t ask many personal questions but it was a case of love conquering all (I’d say in both directions).

I was one of the lucky ones.

After Just Men, I wrote fewer scripts about coming out and more about LGBTQ+ characters dealing with more timely issues such as legal marriage and starting a family. My characters would look back at their own lives and how far they, the movement and, in many cases, the world had come.

I recently dipped back into stories about coming out. Or, more specifically, exploring one’s sexuality at a time when it was more complicated than it may be today. My latest work is a coming-of-age romantic dramedy novel set at Boston University in 1975 and, in part, the present. The book allowed me to take a look at the gay experience back in the day versus today and the value of coming out and living your authentic life.

I wish my dad were still around to read it.

Do we still need stories about coming out or taking those first steps toward discovering ourselves? It may depend on who you ask. I hope more queer folks are getting the insight and support they need as they explore themselves.

And if mainstream media fails in representation, there’s always the internet to help show us the way.

Gary Goldsteinis a writer for film, TV, and the theatre, with more than 30 produced screen and stage credits. His most recent TV movie, Friends & Family Christmas, won a 2024 GLAAD award nomination for Outstanding Film, Streaming or TV. He was also a longtime Chair of the WGA West's LGBTQ+ Writers Committee. Gary's third and latest novel is the coming-of-age romantic dramedy Please Come to Boston.

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