When the spark on dating apps is in his drill–not his texts

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Let's face it: dating apps in 2024 suck. It's a sad, sad truth. Gone are the days of cute movie dates, romantic dining experiences, and the random gestures of flowers.

Chivalry and romance are truly dead.

Articles after articles have come out of hopeless romantic feelings gutted by the lack of romantic interests. And when it comes to dating while trans, I can't help but laugh to keep from crying. Having to constantly explain or confirm my transness despite the words "TRANS AND PROUD" shouting from my bio, the countless times flirtation turns into outright sexting after they've acknowledged my identity. Or, worse, the number of times I've initiated with a "hello" only to receive a dick pic or a guy bent over showing his vast brown eye.

Navigating dating apps can feel like walking through a landmine in the dark, drunk, while wearing stilettos.

If it's not the fetishization, it's the fear of being someone's "trial period" while they figure out themselves. And when the ever after seems to be happy at the start, finding a man's own internalized phobias of dating a trans woman is too much to bear. I refuse to settle for someone who would prefer to love me at night and loathe to hold my hand in the light of day.

So, why do I insist on keeping these apps on my phone? There remains a sliver of my soul that, for better or worse, is a hopeless romantic. I've seen two friends find their significant others via dating apps, with one marrying their find on the apps. Then, there's the value of the apps to fill a need I long for.

And I'm not talking about sex.

For almost two decades, I've lived alone in apartments. At the same time, I've never learned to be handy and put things together. I don't even have a Philips screwdriver or tool kit. I should be embarrassed for being my age and not knowing how to be my handywoman.

But what else are dating apps for?

Thanks to the kindness of Tinder, Grindr, and Bumble, among others, I got a couch, an entertainment unit, my bed, two dining chairs, and, recently, my TV installed. While swiping through the profiles, I've noticed some men who inconspicuously show how handy they are. The cute construction worker gives the thumbs up and a killer smile in a hard hat. The suburbanite who shows off the latest fixture installation with pride. And, yes, the guys holding fish in their photos are often the most resourceful.

Like romance, this isn't for the faintest of hearts. And I've constantly updated my way of verifying men entering my door. First, pictures say a thousand words; it's 2024, so there's no reason to have pixelated photos on a profile. Spend a few days talking to the person on the app. If they're rushing to add you on Snapchat or text you, that seems too desperate—no matter how charming their words are—and stay clear of them. Lastly, I'm an iPhone girlie; I don't condone teasing our green-bubbled friends, but there's some internal satisfaction in seeing a blue text bubble.

Again, I would only recommend this to some. I'm fortunate to live in an apartment building where all the entry points require a key card and a fob to use the elevator. Then there's my dog, Bella, who can be as feral as she is friendly around men.

Like mother, like daughter.

And what happens at the end? Well…it always depends. I've given in to temptation occasionally. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a guy who knows how to use power tools. And like any other date, sex doesn't have to be guaranteed at the end of the night.

Sometimes, a kiss on the cheek is still romantic. Even the most sincere form of payment.

Again, there's a sliver in my hopeless romantic heart, hoping out for a happily ever after, wishing that maybe one day I'll find the guy who can put together a new couch and fix my little broken heart. Until then, I'll enjoy the fruits of their labor, cuddled up with my dog, enjoying the latest season of some new show, happier knowing I didn't give in this round to the hand(s)yman and saved money for a night out.

Who needs Thumbtack when you can use Tinder?

Marie-Adélina de la Ferrière is the Community Editor at equalpride, publisher of Out.

Voices is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ and Allied community. Visit out.com/submit to learn more about submission guidelines. We welcome your thoughts and feedback on any of our stories. Email us at voices@equalpride.com. Views expressed in Voices stories are those of the guest writers, columnists and editors, and do not directly represent the views of Out or our parent company, equalpride.