The trans woman who’s redefining ‘having it all,’ one TikTok at a time

TikTok is an exciting space. At the ripe age of [redacted], I'm still learning and adapting how I create content as much as I find community. It was by sheer coincidence that I swiped upon a video of a trans woman begging "the dolls" to do better and reframe their mindset.

"Stop justifying others' mistreatment," she proclaims. "That is not the reason to be treated poorly by anyone. You are a human being above all else and deserve respect."

That declaration was my introduction to Alessandra Miller.

@findalessandra The best advice for trans girls, love you ☁️🤍 #trans #transandproud ♬ original sound - alessandra ♡

Her TikTok fans know her as the sharp-witted advocate with an unapologetic flair. She's not your typical influencer, though. In fact, Alessandra juggled her online presence with a demanding career as a marketing director for a tech company. But make no mistake; when it comes to her digital life, she's a woman on a mission. "I try to create a positive corner on the internet," she says, "where I'm proof that anything is achievable, and if you want it, you can have it."

A Journey Across Platforms

If Alessandra knows one thing, it's how to reinvent herself. Her social media journey began on Tumblr, where she posted her thoughts and feelings as a young trans girl growing up in conservative West Virginia. "I started [on social media] when I was 14," she recalls. Since then, she's moved through platforms like YouTube and even starred in a Snapchat reality show documenting her life, ultimately landing on TikTok, where she's found a new home for her content.

Her audience is as diverse as her own experiences. She's reached people across the gender spectrum and inspired fans from all walks of life. "A lot of the new people I'm reaching don't know my history online," she says. It's a history that adds a rich layer to her message, one that's more important now than ever. "Young trans girls are the most susceptible to internalizing hate," she explains. "At that age, you're looking for any information on who you are or what you can be."

Navigating the Complexities of Visibility

For Alessandra, visibility is a double-edged sword. She recognizes the privilege of living in New York and her corporate career. Still, she's also aware of the unique struggles that come with being a "passing" trans woman. "One of the biggest challenges is navigating people's opinions," she shares. "As someone who's often read as cisgender, I have to anticipate prejudice before I disclose that I'm trans."

Her candor about dating as a trans woman in New York is a masterclass in self-love. "We all find it hard to date and find the right partner," she admits. "But as a trans woman who's conventionally attractive and successful, the pool gets even smaller." In true Alessandra fashion, though, she's spelled this into a positive message. "Just because someone sees me as a success story doesn't mean loneliness isn't part of my experience. It's important for me to share that reality, especially for those who look up to me."

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♬ how i love being a woman - editdiaary

The Trolling Trolls and Their Haters' Parade

In the age of internet fame, negative comments are an inevitability. Alessandra, however, treats them with a refreshing mix of humor and empathy. "I honestly thank God I've never been at a low point that I felt the need to create a faceless profile just to spread hate," she says sarcastically. But her humor doesn't detract from Alessandra's insight into these encounters. "There are people who internalize their insecurities and work on themselves, and then there are people who project them," she affirms. "The thing is, they wouldn't have a claw to tear me down if they weren't already beneath me."

For Alessandra, the trolls are a mirror. Their insecurities aren't hers to manage, and she's learned to let go of their judgments. "I try not to let people's opinions sway my self-image because what they're seeing is a very curated part of life," she says. "It's not a reflection of who I am; it's a reflection of where they're at."

Uplifting Others, One Post at a Time

Beyond the haters and the trolls, Alessandra's reach has touched hearts far beyond the City's concrete jungle. She recounts the story of a young girl who was being bullied at school for being trans. "Her teacher showed her one of my videos," she recalls, "and it was a video about how sometimes, those people who tear you down aren't meant for you to relate to." It was a turning point for the girl, and for Alessandra, it was one of the most meaningful connections she'd ever made.

"A hater is just a fan in disguise," she says plainly.

While the haters may come and go, Alessandra's message of self-worth remains strong: "If you take the transness out of my message, it's a universal one. Everyone knows what it feels like to be othered."

A "Doll's Doll" with Depth

Alessandra describes herself as a "doll's doll," a term she wears with pride. With her tall, slender frame, cascading blonde hair, and polished aesthetic, she embraces the parts of femininity that society often assigns to cisgender women. But Alessandra is more than a surface-level "doll" stereotype. "I'm a bit of a contradiction," she admits. "I look like the 'ideal,' but I'm the furthest thing from it."

As someone who spends considerable time ensuring the hair is laid, the face is beat, and the outfit exudes grace and confidence for work—mind you, I work remotely—I completely get it.

She admits that one of the most persistent misconceptions people have about her is that she's had an easy life. Growing up in a town of 2,000 people, she faced isolation and hardship, transitioning at a young age without ever meeting another trans person until she was in her early 20s.

"I've worked for everything I have," she reflects, "And that's why I try to hold the door open for those who need it."

Yoga, Poetry, and a Book in the Works

While Alessandra might appear to live a life revolved around glamor, she reveals a surprisingly grounded side. Every morning, she dedicates an hour to her daily yoga practice. "It's my way of staying active and grounded in my body," Miller says. Her daily routine on the mat is a reminder there's a life beyond social media, beyond the noise, where she can connect with herself.

And then there's another passion—poetry. A lifelong writer, Alessandra finds a unique solace in crafting words into verse. Where social media can feel like an endless cycle of content creation and curating perfection, poetry offers her a reprieve and a chance to express herself without the weight of an audience.

"The things that make you different are the things you should hone in on," she says with an uplifting tone, a message for many trans youths. "Those differences will set you apart, and that's not a bad thing." Alessandra encourages us to wear our differences proudly in a world filled with masks.

From the first time I viewed her Tiktok video, to following her along the way and throughout this interview, I've been inspired. Even amid a hostile climate, where being targeted as trans often makes me want to stay in bed amidst the fear. But then I'm reminded that fear is the greatest enemy of freedom, and it is imperative to remain resolute in adversity.

To her fans, followers—and, yes, even haters—Alessandra Miller is proof that being yourself is the ultimate act of bravery and that celebrating our trans joy is the greatest weapon.

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