Sean Spicer Turned Down Dancing With The Stars Because of These Five Commitments

Just when we thought we might get one piece of good news from this hellish administration, Sean "Spicy" Spicer has turned down an offer to appear on Dancing with The Stars. The former press secretary, who resigned in the wake of hiring Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci (who was then fired 10 days later because the White House is now a soap opera), has declined a role on the show because of an "overwhelming number of commitments in the fall."

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He's reportedly not a very good dancer and would almost certainly have not made it past the first few rounds, but if anyone is used to embarrassing themselves in front of millions of Americans, it's Sean Spicer. We're not sure what commitments he has coming up in the fall but, based on his past behavior, here are five of our best guesses for what activities he's packing his calendar with.

1. He's busy typing out a Notes app list of all of his passwords, which he will then accidentally share on Twitter.

2. After developing a talent for hiding in bushes, he's now preparing to become a full-time landscaper.

3. He'll be embarking on a nationwide tour of colleges as a motivational speaker who spends his entire speech yelling at students.

4. Taking improv classes so that he can achieve his goal of going on SNL to impersonate Melissa McCarthy.

5. Working as a yoga instructor after spending six months practicing the art of twisting himself into superhuman shapes to defend the president.